Eowyn's Honor
by Ilywy
Summary: Eowyn's story from the court of Theoden to after the Houses of Healing. A different reason for why she rode to battle. Be fine, it's my first fanfiction.


I wanted to cut my hair. Looking in the mirror, my knife in one hand, and a section of hair was in the other. The knife was held high, my hair would be hacked off at ear level. Long has tradition held that we women of Rohan cut our hair as a symbol of loss, of mourning and grief, usually when a spouse had died.  
  
But I stayed the knife before the first cut was made. Sighing regretfully, I released my hair and sheathed my knife. I could show no outward expression that anything was amiss. It would lead to questions, which I could ill afford. I must appear as always: cold and aloof, and in control. The desire to cut my hair was borne from somewhere deep inside me. I hadn't lost a loved one. But I had lost something, and the old tradition had sprung into my mind unbidden. What I felt needed an outlet.  
  
For last night Grima had finally succeeded in what he sought for so long: me. I lost the cat and mouse game we had played for so many years. Eomer was gone, exiled, Theoden no longer in his right mind. And I was no longer the maiden of Rohan. I had exchanged my honor for the life of Theoden King. Grima had the King totally within his power and had finally made clear he would kill the king if I would not succumb to his wishes. Well, the deed had been done. For the loss of that part of myself, I had thought the cutting of hair would have been appropriate. But what had happened had to remain secret. To this end my mind now focused on what needed to be done. My clothing: ripped, torn and stained with virginal blood had to be disposed of. I would hide them till tomorrow night and either burn them or bury them. The evidence had to be destroyed. My honor and the honor of my house had been affronted. But Eomer must never learn of it. He'd kill Grima for what he's done to me, and in turn be in danger himself.  
  
Then I stopped short, rooted to the spot I stood upon. What of the possibility of being with child as a result of the night's happenings? I was not so naïve in regards to how children were conceived yet my mind had not thought of this before. It was too unspeakable to contemplate. Yet I had to. How did I fail to think of this? Any offspring of my own might be in line to the throne, if anything happened to Eomer; which was entirely too possible these days. I stood stunned by the realization. It could not happen, no children of this coupling could be allowed. And my mind reached back to the healers of the house. These old women whose learning encompassed many things, including herbal lore. I remembered back to a time when one of the women had been attacked and basely used by Orcs only a few years ago during an attack on the Eastfold. The healers had discovered she was pregnant. Such a pregnancy would have killed the lady, if allowed to continue. The mating of Orcs and humans that produced such a pregnancy always ended in death for the woman and the unborn babe. The healers had administered a tincture made of a certain herb that induced a miscarriage. But I knew not the name of the herb, it was kept a secret among the healers and only used in extreme cases. It carried a danger of its own to the woman, this much I knew, and any woman given it understood it might make the bleeding that resulted unstoppable. I knew I had to find the herb and take it, no matter what the risk. And could it to be obtained and taken in secret? Could the healers be trusted if I went to them? For news of this could not reach Grima, and his spies were legion now in Edoras. I would have to take the chance. There would be no whelp of Grima's gotten off me. I seized on an idea, I would go to my old nurse Fregga, who had helped raise Eomer and I when our mother had died. She was loyal to me, and though aged, her mind was sound. She knew the ways of the healers. I would seek her out and nobody would be wiser. For I still visited her from time to time, checking on her health in her old age. This visit, for all outward signs, would be no different.  
  
Having decided on a course of action, and being somewhat calmer now in mind, I drew my own bath and tended to my body's hurts in private. I tried not to think on the actual event, and indeed, I did not know how I suffered Grima's hands upon me. I would not let myself think about the taste of his spittle on my mouth, nor anything that followed. I drew on the strength inside me and locked away the memories. I would go mad otherwise. It was not to be borne, but aye, I must. For the life of my King, my duty, for Rohan.  
  
We each pay, in these times of darkness, each in our way. I had long thought my service to Rohan would be as a shieldmaiden, and the glory of the sword in battle my way. Proud had I been. Could I still be proud? I prayed Valar grant that none would be gifted with the sight of old, to pierce my heart and discover the sorrow and shame that I now hold.  
  
The deed I had done, though noble in intent, made me feel shame. As a woman of royal lineage in Rohan, I had long known my fate might likely involve a marriage of political makings. It was another duty of my station. Should the time ever come, how could I ever go through with it? For well I knew the customs of marriage. The sheets from the bridal chamber, after the wedding night, were removed and inspected for confirmation of the lady's innocence. The marriage could be disavowed if the evidence was lacking, and shame would be brought to the lady's house. I bowed my head, the weight of these thoughts yet another burden to carry. From one trap to another. Is there no way out I thought wearily? I resolved to cross that bridge later.  
  
But Theoden, my king, and aye, I thought of him even as my father, was still alive. I would have to take my comfort there. While he still lives, there is hope for our people. With that, I went to bed and after a time, I was able to sleep.  
  
The morning dawned, bright and clear. I took pains with my appearance, my dress and hair in order. It would not go well to have Grima see any evidence of weakness on my part. The pact had been for one night, and for one night only it shall remain. He will find no excuse to seek more. I steeled my resolve and went forth.  
  
I made my way to the kitchens, overseeing the preparations for the first meal of the day. Always have I watched over Theoden's food. Today would be no different. While there I casually asked one of the cooks about my old nurse Fregga. The cook told me Fregga was well enough, considering her age. Though most days she stayed near her room, avoiding the cold winds that made her bones ache. "Why?" asked cook, "do you plan to see her soon? I would send along a basket with some breads and jams for you to take."  
  
"Aye" I smiled. "A visit has been long overdue on my part. And I'm sure she would enjoy the treats from your kitchen. I know her fondness for your jams. I think not today, but perhaps tomorrow or the day after. I'll inform of you when I know for sure. I must first be sure the King does not require my presence on those days." Eowyn smiled to herself. There! That was done with just the right amount of casualness. Nobody in kitchen (or lurking in the halls nearby) would have cause to think of the visit as anything more than paying my respects to the old nurse.  
  
I made my way to the golden hall. Theoden was there, along with Hama and the usual assortment of the court's people. Grima was not in sight. I made my way to the King's table and seated myself beside Theoden. I kissed him on his cheek and lowered my head, carefully casting my eyes over him, critically looking for any changes in him since yesterday. None were apparent. He seemed no worse, for I had not entirely trusted Grima to keep his word.  
  
"Good morning my lord. May I pour some juice for you?" I asked. Theoden nodded weakly in agreement. I signed for one the girls to bring the pitcher over and serve our lord. I helped to steady his hand as he grasped the glass, and to my relief he did drink.  
  
I then stood and selected from various plates and platters a selection of foods designed to tempt him into eating a good meal. Breakfast meats and breads there were, as well as porridges, and eggs cooked soft. Even a few bites of each would help his health. Such were my morning challenges, and he ate best in the mornings. For Grima was usually absent at the early morning breakfasts. I had always wondered at this, and wondered if the two were connected. So I made it my habit to ensure I was always there, encouraging him to have "just one more bite".  
  
After the meal we sat. "Sire, if you have no need of me tomorrow or the day after, I would like to have some time to visit Fregga. Cook wants to prepare a basket of food for her as well. Have I your permission to absent myself from court for an hour or two?" I smiled as I asked.  
  
Theoden gave me a ghost of smile. He seemed to remember Fregga's name. As well he should, for she had been Theodred's nurse as well. He gave my hand a weak squeeze as I held it and said I should go at my convenience. I gave him my thanks and took my leave.  
  
I exited and went outside to stand the outside the main entrance to the great hall. I had often come here to seek solace in recent times. The view afforded me with a sweeping vista of my homeland. The vast expanse of grassy plains that rolled as a sea in the wind gave way to the mountains in the distance seemed to make my very soul expand. How it filled me with a quiet strength and made the love of my country resonate deep within me.  
  
*** to be continued*** 


End file.
